when other girls wish to be a shimmering fairy, i aspire as a black wizard
I don't want to fail just to be an example for everyone to not take the step I chose.
- i am :sad
- i listen :Oasis - Champagne Supernova
People who linger in the past, regretting the mistakes they've done, though they know it doesn't change anything and they know they may overcome it in the future, are stupid. I am ashamed to be one of them.
- i am :discontent
- i listen :Electric Wizard - Another Perfect Day?
God, there are so many aspects in life that I have not yet comprehended. One of which, never have I wondered this much before. I am clueless without You.
The other day, I said to You that I felt like the whole world was revolving, but I'm on moon or other satellite, watching it revolve. But then again, within time, I realized that my place wasn't really on the moon. I only saw it revolve from behind one particular perspective. I thought if I tried to reach the earth, its atmosphere would be some novelty to me, strange, unfamiliar, and I had to start from zero again. But I was wrong. It's true that my place isn't on the moon. The sky and ground felt like welcoming me back.
However, for the current matter, I wouldn't find out about this myself. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what's going on. God, I am tremendously puzzled.
- i am :melancholy
- i listen :Karen O and the Kids - Cliffs
Did I not do my best? Or did I expect too much? Everything seemed to be turning my expectations down from academical to non-academical matters. These past five days, I don't know, but i think these past five days seemed to be conspiring altogether. Expectations that I've kept inside of me since a long time ago were deliberately crushed right before my eyes. It may seem to look like I am the one who expected too much, but trust me, I didn't expect that much. I am aware that God knows better than me. But it is beyond my knowing if this is a misfortune in the return of something bad I've unintentionally done, something God gives that looks terrible in the beginning but ultimately will be the best for me, or just some kind of test I should overcome. This, I will never comprehend.
- i am :sad
Today is pretty much messed up. I didn't know that staying the entire 24+ hours at home could be this screwed up. What is? Plans. Expectations. Several previous months I had thought about some plans carefully, I went with as many details as I could conceive. Hence, a little bit of expectation. But it was altered 180 degrees some days ago. A new responsibility was put upon my two shoulders. It was kind of heavy, though it's only close to the beginning. I tried not to be reluctant about that, I tried hard to comprehend the potential situations that might befall upon me, I slowly constructed bigger expectation, and I elaborately came up with new plans and ways so that I wouldn't disappoint anyone, for I hate to be a disappointment. But what? I am now the one that gets disappointed. All of those so-called unspoken plans were just turned down by a single person, in a single night. Dammit, I haven't even taken more than one step. There's no day or night that I never gave it a contemplation since that day the responsibility started to be in the grasp of my hand. And all of this shit was just because I took my absence to recover my health.
I don't know. I'm always praying for the best. I can't even tell whether I am disappointed to the utmost level or relieved that the weight on my shoulders vanished. I leave the final decision to God.
The only two good things occurring today are that my assignment's finished at last and I found a camera in my parents' room that's supposedly no longer used. I think I might want to learn landscape photography.
Wouldn't life be much much easier if we wrote our own life's scenarios?
- i am :confused
- i listen :Good Morning Hypocrite - Electric President
Isn't it great to have the feeling that today is Saturday, tomorrow is Sunday, next is the Monday you've been looking forward to, and then there's this day off on Tuesday, then it's Wednesday that doesn't get you to wake your ass up early in the morning, and then Thursday which has your favorite subject, then it's Friday with its subject to be taken easy and it's Saturday again!
I wish there's at least one day off each week.
- i am :relaxed
- i listen :Biscuit - Portishead
I swear I can claim this weekend as 'weekend of playing games'. Ah, it feels tremendously good to be able to be home again. Sacrificing one national day off for three days of weekend is eventually worthwhile. Will be going back to Bandung on the morrow, though.
I've come to conclusion where I want to upgrade myself by learning many new things. Lomo photography, oh what the hell, never had I had the slightest interest in exploring photography world before but just recently I thought lomo camera's pretty interesting. I've taken a like on the one that has color filter and I want this item just for fun. Not yet experienced on that field but even professional ones started from zero. Gotta check it out later. Martial Art, the thing I've wanted to learn since a long time ago. I also want to learn more about guitar, both acoustic and electric, and some other instruments, for instance, harmonica. Might as well take a class. And, well, I'd like to travel abroad with friends. I suppose I can do some of the things above on the next long holiday.
In other news, that news about the splitting up of The White Stripes broke my heart. Such amazing band. Jack and Meg, if you read this, though, not possible, I hope that's the best decision and good luck on whatever you're trying to achieve next. Your songs will always remain on my iPod.
- i am :content
- i listen :Roads - Portishead
I didn't know that I actually did the right things without my knowing concerning which was correct and the opposite, without even my apprehension towards things I had never guessed before. Such things were just done by chance and I can't imagine how it would have become had I not the slightest thought to do what I did. God, what is this? It's trying to disconcert me by giving me worry of missing chances later in the coming time. It is serving me as an alarming hindrance.
- i am :contemplative
- i listen :Polygene - Efterklang
It's 7.04 PM as I am writing this journal which means around less than five hours later it'll be next year, 2011. Honestly, I don't feel like it's new year's eve tonight, it just feels so fast and... too bad, though, twenty-ten is easier to pronounce than twenty-eleven. Well, that doesn't mind anything. Nevertheless, I've always loved new year's eve. It feels so festive and all, though if I was only going to celebrate it at home. It also refreshes mind somehow, like starting a new chapter of life.
Moving on, let's see what I can type about all things happened in 2010.
- Studied like mad. No, not really mad, but I tried my utmost to study for college entrance examination and final examinations.
- Made up my mind to enter Faculty of Art and Design and began to concentrate about it.
- Got accepted in it and... dude, was extremely happy... and forgot about report card and school's final exams haha.
- Moved out to Bandung, felt this, felt that, and eventually got the hang of living alone and living life in this place full of crazy people! And by that I mean my friends in the same faculty as me and that's a good meaning.
- Met a lot of new friends. Awesome people.
- Felt major differences between school and college.
- Ate at Pasta de Waraku and made it my new favorite restaurant haha.
- Wrecked Jaster's (my car) back window so bad. But had it fixed and now he's as good as smooth!
- Visited Singapore for five days, Malaysia for two hours, and Batam for about six hours.
- Experienced maaaany things in college, from assignments to projects.
To recap all of these, 2010 was indeed full of new experiences and I hope it keeps on going in the coming year.
Oh before I go, I'd like to say to all of you, readers, happy new year 2011! Let's strive for the best!
- i am :excited
- i listen :Creep - Radiohead
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 12 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Wasted - Pinback
(no, trust me)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Groundbreaking Sound - Army of Freshmen
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
And So It Goes - Last Tuesday
(well, not entirely wrong)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Fortress - Pinback
WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Hakuna Matata - Lion King
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Why is He Right? - Punchline
(what is the meaning of this...)
WHAT DO PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Concrete Seconds - Pinback
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
My Curse - Killswitch Engage
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Perfect Teeth - Limbeck
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Homesick - Kings of Convenience
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Jimmy Gets high - Daniel Powter
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
What Are We Supposed to Do? - House of Fools
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Such a Beautiful Dreamer - Lydia
(this song is clearly unsuitable for dancing... but is nice enough for wedding)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Music is My Boyfriend - CSS
(music was my boyfriend? anyway this isn't a song for funeral indeed)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Consolation Prizes - Phoenix
WHATS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Lament for the Aurochs - The Sword
(nah, myth is cool)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Doomed Now - Does it Offend You, Yeah?
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
(either it's passed or it's still a long way to go)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Sleeping With a Gun Under My Pillow - The Boy Least Likely To
(some kind of weapon?)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Night of the Shape - Electric Wizard
- i am :relaxed
- i listen :Hideaway - Karen O and the Kids